A New Job featuring Three6Mafia

Quick Back Story.

Since my last post I got a job at Positive Productions in Japan where we do concert/event promotion, planning and production. We also do entertainment consulting and artist management. Positive Productions is the last company to do a Michael Jackson event before he passed away. We’ve done big name artists including Neyo, Snoop Dogg, Mariah Carey, Michael Jackson and many many more. So if you are in Japan and want tickets or have any questions regarding events done by us, ask me =)

Also, join us on our Positive Productions Facebook Group and Myspace (www.myspace.com/positiveproduction) to get the latest information on parties/concerts/events we are doing in Japan! Official Website is positiveproduction.com

SO! We just had Three6Mafia in town at the beginning of this month and I honestly didn’t know what to expect from these gangsta rappers from Memphis. In 3 days we did 3 shows and also 3 after-parties…5-6 hours sleep total in those three days. But damn it was worth it.

Staying Fly as usual

Not only were the shows a blast, the 2 members from Three6Mafia and their crew were amazing people. Three6Mafia tore through Japan and left thousands of fans breathless. I spent a lot of time with Three6Mafia during their stay and I was really impressed by not only their crazy entertaining shows, but more so their professionalism and down-to-earth demeanor. Three6 has been doing this a long time and one would think there would be some kind of prim Donna to come along with the business. There wasn’t. They interacted with and took pictures with fans for hours after shows.

☆ Three6Mafia Info Tid-Bits

1. They love Grey-Goose Vodka and white wine and Patron.

2. DJ Crazy Mike loves Vodka Cranberry.

3. DJ Paul has a new obsession with CoCo Ichiban Curry. He wants to be sponsored by them.

4. DJ Paul was dying after eating a level 2 spiciness curry at Coco Ichiban. Quote: “This is spicy as a motherf*cker!!” …it goes up to level 10.

5. DJ Paul couldn’t help but jump around in spicy bliss when trying a tiny drop of level 10 curry.

6. Juicy J doesn’t sleep and is never late.

7. Three6Mafia needed no rehearsal, no sound-check. They were ready to go whether they got to the venue an hour before, or 2 minutes before. And that made my job a lot easier.

All in all, Three6Mafia said they had a great time in Japan and wished they had more time to see the sights and hang out in town. We will definitely try to arrange that for their next trip out to Japan. Thanks Three6! We have Trey Songz coming next month, E-40 in December and J.Holiday coming for the New Year Celebration. So stay tuned for a funny and in-depth look into artists that most people can only see on TV.

The Official Flyer

Notre Dame Japan Bowl Blog

What’s up guys. I’ve recently been working with the Japan American Football Association(JAFA) as an event coordinator for the Notre Dame Japan Bowl.

Aside from a Japanese blog(http://blogs.yahoo.co.jp/ndjb09/folder/128536.html), I am also writing the official blog for NDJB in English at http://blog.gaijinpot.com/author/Ry/.

Having to write a blog for work is great. And until July 25th, my attention will be on those 2, so please take a look!

Of course, I haven’t forgotten about this one. I AM working on an article, its just slowly moving along, you bloggers understand that feeling I’m sure =)

Hope everybody had a happy 4th of July!

Why I love Japan Part 1

Sorry for the long layoff guys. Been busy with internships and school, but I have come away with some interesting material that should be posted within the next few weeks. As for now, here are some interesting things I’ve come across recently.

If Jesus can be gaunt and skinny, so can you!

I found this in a drug-store. Gut reaction was weight-loss pills of some sort. I couldn’t imagine anything else if the result was looking like Jesus. You might be wondering what it says underneath the title…

Umm…huh?!?!!

Apparently, it’s a big secret. But here’s my favorite line.

“I can lay it down because I am correct.”

Classic Engrish in Japan.

Times are tough...

Umm…wow. Not sure what it exactly is to this day.

“Hunni, could you run to the store and get me a box of placentas?”

Ahhh…you’re never bored in Japan Land.

The Facades: Aftermath

I had a decision to make. “Go to the Seniors Farewell Party” back in Hachioji, or go to the after-party for the Under 19 America Vs. Japan Game that I just volunteered at.

It should have been a no-brainer. Four years of playing football with the guys, winning, losing, bleeding together. But that’s the thing, I was on the fence, and if anything, leaning away from my former teammates. I thought to myself, what kind of guy does this make me? Am I throwing something away by not attending this get-together? But then again, I’ve gone through this thought process many times before…only to regret going.

But this was the FINAL party. The last time we’d all really get-together as a group.

I stood in the parking lot of Kawasaki Stadium watching players, coaches and cheerleaders walk by. I was trying to weigh the pros and cons of both decisions, but I was only delaying the inevitable. I was trying to give my guys another chance…the benefit of the doubt. But then again, that’s what I’ve always been doing.

That’s when my ex-girlfriend, a Nippon Sports Science cheerleader, came to say hi. I told her I was stuck between hanging out with the guys one last time and going out with the coaches and all my coworkers who were involved with this event. She said I should probably go to the farewell party considering all the time I’ve spent with them.

She really helped me get through the tough times of the roller coaster four years of being a Teikyo Assassin. If anybody understood my situation, it was her. If it wasn’t for her patient ears, I don’t know if I’d be where I am now. But for some reason, I couldn’t take her advice to heart. Something was telling me I would regret not spending time with some of the U.S.A. coaches who opened their arms and treated me like a life-long friend.

One last chance…I called one of my buddies to tell him that, “I’m not sure if I can make it tonight.” Hoping I would get an answer that implies that they are disappointed in some way. The answer was pretty much along the lines of, “Oh yea, whatever dude.” His speech was slurring and he seemed out of it.

Me: “You alright?”
Buddy: “Me? Yea, just a little drunk.”
Me: “Drunk? It’s like 6:00 PM, doesn’t the thing start at 7:00 PM?”
Buddy: “Well yea, but we’ve been drinking for a few hours already.”
Me: “Okay…who’s all there?”
Buddy: “Oh, all the seniors.”

I was amazed at how matter-of-factly he blurted it out. Turns out I wasn’t the only one not invited to pre-game, one of my good friends wasn’t either. It definitely made my decision a lot easier. I can’t say I was surprised, because I wasn’t. But it did hurt that even after 4 years of being together, that the guy running the little get-together can’t just give everybody a call and tell them what’s going on. It’s sad really, not because I was peeved that I didn’t get invited, but because of how people can put such weight on exclusivity, even if you’re sacrificing potential friendship down the road. Look, if it was just me who wasn’t invited, that’s fine, they don’t like me or whatever. But when you invite the guys around you that you personally like, and not those who you don’t really care for…before a FAREWELL party? That just shows a lack of maturity. Hang out with who you want in your personal life, but when you are trying to bring people together one last time, it would make sense to invite even the people you don’t like, or at least give them the heads up. There was never “hate” in our senior group. There was no legitimate blood between us, just a few verbal skirmishes here and there. Not enough to fragment before a final hurrah.

And as we know about Japanese culture, many people don’t like direct confrontation. The same guys that throw you under the bus or try to exclude you, are the same guys who grab you by the shoulder and say they had the best 4 years of their lives being with you.

I told them to have a great time and I hung up.

Going to that after-party may have been one of the defining moments of my life.

Two months before the U-19 event, I was looking for work and a path to my future. Teaching English isn’t exactly what I want to be doing my whole life but it was getting me by. Being at that after-party and talking to some of the coaches may have changed my life forever. They asked for my insight, were interested in my experience playing football in Japan, wondered what it was that Japanese football was lacking. All of this information was shelved inside my mind because I never really had an outlet for it. Now I did. And that was when I realized that one of my real passions in life was not only football, but connecting with people.

This translated into the work I’m doing now as a Ticket Sales Representative for the Notre Dame Legends Japan Bowl (NDjapanbowl.com) that will take place on July 25th.  It also helped me get started with Japan Insight, our family company based in Hawaii (www.japaninsight.wordpress.com).

One of the other important things here, is that I did come away with a few “real” friends. And I guess that’s all you can ask for in life, “real” friends. There are only a handful, and I feel like a few of them were made in those bittersweet 4 years.

This entry is a good place to turn the page on my college life. Up and down, fun and pain, it created a part of me that I may never have found, and for that I’m pretty grateful. As for the future, it’s brighter than it was a few months ago, and I feel the potential poking at my face.

So anyways, here’s to turning a page. Kampai~

Breakfast of Champions

I came across this article today and started laughing at the title. Sounded like BS at first but after reading, it reinforced some of the things I’ve said about sex in Japan.

http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSTRE4BP18P20081226

Japan teens skipping breakfast have sex younger

Teens who skip breakfast as middle school students tend to have sex at an earlier age than those who start the day with a proper meal, a government-backed Japanese medical researcher said on Friday. The link between breakfast and sex probably lies in the teens’ family life, said Kunio Kitamura, executive director of the Japan Family Planning Association, who conducted the survey. The survey examined sexual experiences as well as family relationships and lifestyle habits of Japanese females and males aged 16 to 49. It was carried out in September and was based on about 1,500 people. The average age of first-time sex for those who said they ate breakfast every day as a middle school student was 19.4, while for those who skipped breakfast, the average age was 17.5. “The fact that people can’t eat breakfast may show something about their family environment,” said Kitamura. “Before blaming individuals for having sex at an early age, it may be necessary to look into the sort of homes they are from.” The survey, intended to study how to reduce unwanted pregnancies, also showed the average age of first-time sex was lower for those who found their mother annoying. People who said they disliked their mother had sex for the first time at the average age of 16, while the average age for those who appreciated their mother was 19, Kitamura said. (Reporting by Yoko Kubota; Editing by Sugita Katyal)

The correlation is fascinating but if you break it down, it’s actually not that surprising. Family life is what shapes young minds.

The breakfast table is the place for small talk before school or a sporting event or whatever, and when kids aren’t at the breakfast table, it means either a) They don’t WANT to eat breakfast with their parents or b) The parents don’t stress this ritual of brief family time.

“Before blaming individuals for having sex at an early age, it may be necessary to look into the sort of homes they are from.”

It’s not only necessary it should be standard procedure. With something as sensitive and taboo as sex, those things need to be dealt with at some level in the house(not necessarily the breakfast table).

Dad: “Good morning Hiro, while you have your rice and miso soup, I want to talk to you about erections.”

The survey, intended to study how to reduce unwanted pregnancies, also showed the average age of first-time sex was lower for those who found their mother annoying.

Family life may be a window to judge sexual activity, but how about studying Japan’s problems of embarrassed adults who don’t want to talk to kids about sex unless they are hammered? I doubt condom-usage has anything to do with annoying mothers. Education is the culprit here. If the mother is a pain in the ass and the father is never there, obviously this creates some obstacles for a child to live a healthy life. But for those who don’t have loving families to go home to(which are many), then school needs to take some responsibility by creating a home away from home. These kids don’t need to just “get away”, they need to learn life skills that they can’t learn at home.

Looks like my kids will be eating breakfast with me every frickin’ morning, don’t want my kids to “Catch em’ all!” =)

The Sexual Miseducation of Japan

Toyota, Honda, Hitachi and Mitsubishi are the big boys of Japan. But there is a big shadow that looms over the companies that pretty much run Japan’s economy…the sex industry.

Not only do you have one of the largest porn producing countries in the world, you also have one of the most lucrative prostitution trades in the world.  Has a sex engulfed society opened up to these taboo subjects? With sex being so ingrained into society, one would hope that sexual education in schools as well as from parents, have jumped the “taboo subject” hurdle. How can we break down some of these questions by analyzing the simple act of a kiss or comparing ideal first-time sexual experiences? For those of us who are living in Japan or those who have experienced the blatant incongruence of Japanese society, we know it’s important to take nothing at face value.

To say the least, there is no shortage of sex in Japan. Japan makes an estimated 2.5 trillion yen a year (23.9 Billion U.S.) from the sex industry alone. According to http://familysafemedia.com, Japan is ranked third (19.8 Billion) in the world behind China (27.40 Billion) and South Korea (25.73 Billion) for pornography revenue a year. The average person may be surprised, but for somebody living in Japan, I’m shocked that Japan isn’t #1 on that list. A trip to Kabukicho or Akihabara may give you a weeks worth of T&A. You can’t walk ten steps without finding a poster or a video store just waving you in to get your daily carnal fix. I once jokingly commented to a friend, “Hey, I bet they got an entire buidling dedicated to porn.” They did. In Akihabara there is a 6-story building strictly dedicated to porn, every single floor.

Don’t get me wrong, I have no problems with porn whatsoever. The big problem here is that the Japanese public and more importantly the younger generation, are digesting a skewed version of sexuality. With the ever popular Anime(cartoon) porn booming, a healthy sexual curiosity is now flooded with fantasy produced cartoon shagging. There is of course your run-of-the-mill production, but to “protect” people, the government has blurred the private parts of porn as well as cartoon porn…yes, that will save the people from “dirtyness.”

When you get excited watching cartoon characters digitally service each other, I’ll go on a limb and say that it’s not very healthy. Actually it’s wrong on so many levels. What does porn do for the curious teenager? Of course it satisfies a sexual appetite, but whether you realize it or not, it’s actually giving us a virtual tour of how things may be when we start becoming active. In the states I’ve had a few women tell me that porn is giving men the wrong idea of assuming that every woman has super-model looks, perfect DD’s, and a never-ending sex drive. Those “wrong ideas” pale in comparison to what worries me about Japans porn industry.

With sex being such a mainstay in society, there is one question that has always bugged me: WHAT IS WITH THE BLURRING?

If you’ve ever “come across”(I use this term loosely) any Japanese pictures or movies, you instantly notice the big blur below the waist. It might look something like this:

Dude, if you squint you can barely make out th....

Here is a definite mixed message to the public: Our laws regarding prostitution are lax, but don’t you dare be able to see a penis or vagina.

When people are restricted, human nature comes crashing in. When I was a kid, my parents never let me watch rated R movies. I went out of my way to go to a friends house to watch a rated R movie with two seconds of boob, you know, standard procedure. What Japan is doing to it’s youth is very similar, except that kids aren’t just going and looking for un-blurred porn, they are engaging in the real thing to see what’s really going on down there. Now we have a young, curious, horny and uneducated kid taking matters into his own hands. A potent recipe for life ruining.

It’s up to school and parental guidance to keep that curiosity safe and healthy.

I believe all education starts with the parents. I, like anybody else had my “birds and the bees” talk with my dad a few times. To be honest I didn’t really want to talk to him about anything related to sex and there was a part of me that let the info slide through one ear and out the other. Having said that, I couldn’t help but ingest some of his wisdom and during life, those little pockets of information start seeping out and begin helping you on forming opinions and more importantly, making life decisions. This is what the Japanese youth lack–A forced, candid talk about “doing it.” Without the awkward talks with Dad, I may have looked at having sex without protection as a convenient course of action, you never know.

What Japanese parents need to realize is that in a country that openly sells porn video games like ~Gang-Rape~, they need to inform their offspring of what is healthy and what isn’t. If they let their children find out for themselves, or worse, let other uninformed friends dictate how they go about their sex lives, we may be looking at an entire race of sexually ignorant people…or ~Gang-Rape~ masters.

Unfortunately we aren’t far off in that assumption, the rate of STD growth and non-condom usage in Japan is staggering.

http://news.livedoor.com/ states that Japan is 3rd (42%) behind Denmark(36%) and Sweden(36%) for the least condom usage. This is bad enough as it is, but consider this, Japan makes roughly 20-30% of all condoms circulating the globe! Do people just not know that? Or is it that 42% of Japanese people take their condom-making gift for granted? Understand that Japan is a very conformist society as well as one that is run by peer pressure. In this sense, non-condom usage is kind of like cigarette smoking. I can confirm this lack of condom usage. Most of the guys around me don’t use condoms. Usually that comment is followed by a “I really should though…” or “I just keep forgetting”, you know, something that shows that he at least KNOWS what he should be doing. Unfortunately, with people around me at least, the comment is followed by shrugging or laughter. Do they know what is at stake? Or is the nonchalance a convenient and “cool” way of not acknowledging responsibility?  The basic reasons for non-usage is usually along these lines:

1. It’s a pain in the ass – That is the common complaint, but it wouldn’t be such a problem if women would just say no until the guy puts one on. A sex drive has to be strong enough to go through the few seconds it takes to wrap it up. Men need to be responsible, so do Women.

2. It’s expensive – This is true, a box of solid rubbers could cost up to 2,000 yen (20 bucks).
3. The general public still thinks the “pull-out method” is a solid form of contraception.

Notice I saved the scariest fact for last—most people still believe that “pulling out” is safe. This goes a lot deeper than just plain optimism, many truly believe that as long as they haven’t gotten anybody pregnant yet, that it’s all good. This just comes to show how lackadaisical the sexual education system is.

So if parents aren’t the ones to drop life knowledge on their kids, then surely sex education in schools will guide them to a healthy and knowledgeable sex life….right?

On average, a Japanese youngster goes through 5 years of sexual education until they reach high school. I say “education” but what it really is, is squeamish adults just “getting it out of the way.” Rarely does the teacher actually take part in discussions, much less give practical advice. My friend Shino told me, “Looking back, there’s nothing sadder than a teacher blushing when saying “penis.”

Most of the educating is in regards to menstrual cycles and pregnancy, rather than STD’s and contraception. As important as bodily functions are, those are strictly medical explanations that don’t require candid details. STD’s on the other hand need blunt commentary for maximum effect, injecting fear and worry into an adolescent mind is an effective way to keep them from bad decisions. The squeamish adult is something that has furthered Japan’s embarrassing fall to sexual miseducation.

Consider the statistics above as well as the general miseducation of sex in Japan. Like I said earlier, adolescent minds have become skewed because of things like anime porn and blurred body parts. Kids now have less examples of healthy, much less real images regarding sex. Not only sex, but kissing as well.

What sparked the idea to actually write this piece was when a few friends and I were discussing how a large percentage of Japanese men and women are terrible kissers. Whether it was reflecting on personal experience or having seen people in action, the sentiment was pretty unanimous.

Living here for 5 years now and watching countless hours of Japanese TV, movies and “drama,” I’ve realized that in none of those three types of media, are there realistic sex scenes much less kiss scenes.

We’ve all gotten our first imaginary taste of kissing from something like the old James Bond movies. It was kind of over the top, but it was the raw passion, the spontaneity and the naughtiness that made us blush when we were in the same room as our parents.

Japanese kids have essentially 2 models for kissing instruction:

Example 1- The TV/movie kiss: Imagine this scene. The girl is standing in front of her house, the guy says something like, “I can’t live another day without you” and as she is feeling the shock of being told something so deep, he dives in eyes closed, hands grabbing her around the elbows as he tilts his head a little bit before he connects with her lips. She stands stunned, unable to move, eyes wide open. That’s it. She doesn’t even KISS HIM BACK. It’s not always this squeaky clean.  I assume that drama makers and TV producers want to give the audience a sense of innocent love. I understand that based on the story, that invoking innocence is a good change of pace to rabid face-smashing but I mean come on! Show me some passion! But the problem is that it’s hard to come across a movie/drama that will show what sex and kissing should be about, total raw passion. Japan is putting “the kiss” on a pedestal.

Example 2 – The porn kiss: No passion, no shyness or innocence, just straight up tongue fighting. No lips, just all tongue.

It’s not hard to see why people suck at kissing does it? They don’t even suck.

Most westerners have grown up with an ideal time and place for their first sexual experience. The candle lit room, the fireplace, whispering in the ear. One of my ex-girlfriends was obsessed with the sex scene in “Love and Basketball”, where they showed the guy actually putting on a condom. Scenes like that give people a “real” sense of sexual procedure.

Never in Japan have I seen a scene even remotely resembling the one I saw in “Love and Basketball.” I can’t say there are none whatsoever, there must be. But even if there was, it wasn’t mainstream enough to burn some sense into our confused youth.

Rather than the western idea of “My first will be with somebody that I trust and love”, many Japanese middle-schoolers and high schoolers feel societal pressure to just get it over with. Girls and Boys feel pressure to score if their friends or other classmates already have. That is a strong aspect of Japanese Society, do whatever everybody else does.

But here’s something wierd. Until the day they die, many of those girls will attest to being pure and untouched, because that is what they think guys want.

In no way am I saying that my opinions reflect 100% of the people in Japan. There are always exceptions to the basic norms of society. Nor am I saying that ALL westerners are great kissers or believe that first-time sex is sacred. I am just comparing basic sentiments of east and west.

Thinking about why people aren’t skilled kissers made me think about how not only is the Japanese public misinformed and slightly brainwashed, but also that they have a skewed sense of anything related to sex. When a teenager doesn’t have any previous knowledge of what may happen when things get hot and heavy, then the only thing they can rely on is porn and personal experience. This leads to pregnancy or the ever popular Dekchyatta Kekkonn(Oops! I’m Pregnant Marriage) and worst of all STD’s. A combination of a lacking sexual education system, squeamish parents, unrealistic examples of sex and the most confusing of all, blurring, have made Japan a blind sex addict with an identity crisis. Shy and innocent or ~Gang Rape~?

Copyright © Ry Sullivan 2009

A Team of Desiny: The Facades

Sorry for the long wait, been busy moving and finding work and being sent to Hokkaido on a 7am flight only to get driven straight from the airport to teach pre-school kids English. This involves singing songs and dancing around like an idiot, on no sleep…at 10 in the morning. Anyways, I’m all the way out here in Hokkaido(really northern Japan) and things have settled down a little bit, I’m working everyday and…

My 4 years of scholarship American football ended in January and what a long 4 years it was.

Coming in as a clueless half-breed who spoke in short sentences and gestures, the other guys on the team welcomed me in with open arms and a “awww, thats cute” smile. Turns out, those open arms were closing in a hurry.

It didn’t take long for me to get the hang of a language that was stored in the back of my brain, I just needed to dust it off and re-program a little bit. But this was the reality, that I was getting treatment in contrast to my ability and knowledge.

From that point on I went through hell and back of sugar-coated backstabbing and preferential treatment. The bitter sweetness ate away at me until I realized that “not giving a shit” was the most effective solution.

Just as I had to have an epiphany to let go of my girlfriend of 2 years, it took another one to completely free me of the social shackles of an all-Japanese team of hierarchy driven meat-heads.

Through all the hardships and school girl-like roundabout tactics, it’s important to know that those 4 years may have been the most important years of my life.

I have countless stories of cultural barriers, difference in opinion, special treatment and just plain old getting screwed, but I plan to introduce some of those stories in coming entries as to see how they correlate into something like job-hunting, the workplace and most of all being on your own in Japan.

~The Final Nomikai (Get-together involving alcohol)~

Since us seniors have played our last game at Teikyo, the underclassman suggested we have a final farewell before they start the new season.

Here’s what I would like to believe: That the group of guys assembled four years ago was the closest thing to fate that I’ve ever experienced. That the opportunity that dropped in my lap–a full scholarship to play Football–was something religious. It was an amazingly lucky turn of events in my life.

I’d like to believe that the guys that were co-starring in those magical turn of events are solidified as life friends.

Unfortunately, looking back, not one of those guys are what I consider a “good friend.”

As a whole, we all did a lot of pretending. We all drank together and partied, but it was all facade. We all WANTED it to be a class of destiny, the group of guys that brought our team back to respectability. We did make the team better, that was true, but in terms of being “tight,” we were far from it. It was just average Japanese society, “keeping the peace.” We were too busy trying to keep the peace and playing the friend card, when we should have been trying to figure out what was the most efficient way to balance relationship with winning football games. With so much time committed to being “friends”, the bridge was wilting and as we became seniors, the bridge collapsed. At parties, “talks” turned into fights. In practice, words of encouragement turned into sharp badgering. The parties became less frequent and eventually obsolete while small cliques were starting to form. That was a stark contrast to our freshman and sophomore years.

During our average Japanese-style “drinking parties”, we’ve had some heated conversations as well as bonding moments. Unfortunately those moments only last until you wake up the next day, because all of a sudden its back to normal. Once, I had a guy tell me in his drunken stupor, “Ry, I’ve been so ignorant, all this time I was looking at you as this foreigner and treating you different. But now I understand how hard it was for you to blend in to Japanese society.” It touched an emotional nerve, I thought there had been some huge walls broken down.

A few weeks later somebody had told me that the guy who confessed his ignorance to me was saying things like, “That stupid foreigner, he needs to understand that this is Japan and that there are rules to follow.” Excuse me?

The same guy who admitted he should have adapted to my personality more, was ripping me behind my back about not being compliant with Japanese society.

Why is this relevent?

Well because the FINAL party is on the 21st of this month and four years of shit may completely hit the fan. This time, I’m not worried about people taking me for who I am, or understand  my situation. I’m not stressing over whether I’m being Japanese enough, or if I can show people that I am able to adhere to society rules.  Because now, I could care less. I’ll have fun watching the elite sober facades turn into ugly volcanoes of honne(one’s true feelings, opinions).

That may be the day where I can put a lid on a bittersweet four years. We shall see. If something goes down, you better believe that it will be the topic of my next post =)

Copyright © Ry Sullivan

The Tokyo Underground Gay Scene

Shinjuku 2-Chome is the San Francisco of homosexuality in Tokyo. There is an estimated 200-300 gay bars and clubs in this special ward of Shinjuku. In fact, some reports say that 2-Chome has the highest concentration of gay bars per block of any place in the world.

I’m not a homophobe by any means, homosexuals should be treated with respect just like anybody else. But when my friend Lisa told me that a portion of her birthday party would be in 2-Chome, I figured it would be a good time for me to bounce. Unfortunately, it’s never that easy with Lisa, the University of Miami grad with face piercing eyes who doesn’t take crap from anybody.

To be honest, I can’t say I wasn’t interested in the social dynamic of being a gay guy in such a traditional country as Japan. Throughout history Japan has nailed down those who stand out. Being gay is a pretty good way to grab headlines. It’s a constant obstacle course for an openly gay man to live in Japan. Not only do you get shunned from society, it’s a good bet that your parents won’t be willing to communicate with you on a regular basis. Japan is all about image, how do other people perceive you? If your family is going to be ridiculed within the community, it’s easy to just cut you off as being “the strange one” and move on.

I considered the scene in Harjuku’s Takeshita Dori. Full blown Elvis suits, Lolita dresses, big green Mohawks. The Japanese had a way of showing everybody that they aren’t going to succumb to societal norms. The disparity between “normal” and “different” was remarkable.

Stepping into my first gay bar, I came in with this image of scantily clad men with nipple piercings and pink hair. As I took a few timid steps into the Tokyo underground scene, what I saw blew me away. Everywhere I looked, I saw what you and I would call NORMAL people. You know, the guy in the suit you see everyday on the Chuo train line, the high school student you see walking down the street with a comic book in hand, playing his Nintendo DS. They were all there. By all means, average-looking people. There they were on the dance floor, some dancing, some vibing to the music, some ferociously making out with each other.

In between drinks and guys brushing up a little too close to me, I considered what I was seeing. For a country that has very little tolerance for homosexuals, this is the only way for gays to let loose and be themselves. They had to retreat to this little part of Shinjuku to BE WHO THEY ARE. It was sad actually to see what I was seeing, nobody would understand these people except for people that actually accepted them, which is not many. And to think, some of these people are going through drastic measures to prove that they AREN’T gay. They have imaginary girlfriends, they’re having sex with girls, they’ll even get married to put away any left-over crumbs of speculation. Many of the older men have kids they go home to. Alcohol and music drowning out a home of skeletons, at least for a few hours.

These bars and clubs are a ticket to freedom, a pit stop from an endless train ride of lies.

I can’t say I had a lot of fun, but I did witness something extraordinary. Like I’ve said, Japan is a pressure-cooker. For a gay guy with no intention of coming out, the pressure-cooker gets a lot more suffocating and some will take it all to their grave.

Will it be an easy process for Gays to be accepted into society? No. Is there progress? Absolutely. Homosexuals and sex-changed “talents” have been making big waves in Japan in terms of recognition and notoriety. These are the people who need to push a lagging society to tolerance. As the Japanese public get used to gays on TV and in their daily lives, there should be a fluid transition from traditional Japanese thinking to a more tolerant mindset. A very important step would be to educate the Japanese youth about homosexuality and that there should be no negativity associated with it. It starts with the parents, considering all the time that you will spend with your children, there is no bigger model for sponge minded youth to base themselves off of. Japanese society is based on keeping the peace and creating harmony. Finding more ways of bringing together different kinds of people would further validate a country with one of the highest approval ratings in the world.

Limiting Beliefs: White girls don’t like Asian Guys?

First of all, thanks for the comments and hits, it makes it a lot more fun to update this thing =)

Finding the right girl for a half-blood takes time and patience. So you would think things would get easier in other countries, where beautiful, cultured women are more abundant. Apparently not.

When men talk about their difficulties with women, there are more crutches than rehabilitation. People in general worry about either things they can’t control (she’s the hottest girl in school), or things determined on vague assumptions (she doesn’t pay attention to me because she doesn’t like Asians). What does this accomplish? You’re on a treadmill on your path to success. You know where you want to go, you’ll just never get there. A good way to describe this is, limiting beliefs.

There are those who are happy to get what they can, and honestly there is nothing wrong with that as long as you’re happy. But for those who want to take another step but are still creating personal roadblocks, those are the people who need to be pro-active.

A few months ago, friends of a friend of mine came out to Japan for vacation. They were Korean Americans born and raised in the states. Two down-to-earth, funny, social guys who probably had no problems partying with anybody in any country.

During a night at the bar, the five of us got into our usual debates about girls, sex and relationships: When is it okay to pay for dates? Do boxers really make your balls sag? Why do my girlfriends think I’m pissed off every time I don’t use elaborate smiley faces in my texts?

One of the Korean guys had a Philipino girlfriend who he had just started dating. From what he told me they seemed to be happy together and having a lot of fun. That’s why the next question caught me off-guard.

“So I have a question, why can’t Asian guys get white girls?”

My eyes glazed over. Huh? “What do you mean?” I Inquired.

“Whenever we’re at parties, the white girls just never pay attention to us.”

Well, if you don’t go over and talk to them, they don’t really have a reason to pay attention to you. But that’s another story.

For the sake of making my point, ill consider “white girls” as girls from anywhere other than the Asian continent.

Growing up, all of the girls I had been involved with were non-Asian. I had just recently started dating Japanese girls about 4 years ago. In the states, I never came across a problem where my race effected my ability to be romantically involved. This is probably why the question was sending an error message through my brain. In an attempt to be a helpful, I tried to find some reasons why this could possibly be.

Maybe I’ve been getting lucky, because apparently this was one of the big problems facing Asians around the world. Japanese guys not being attractive to foreigners was common knowledge and it isn’t hard to figure out why. Lack of language ability. People don’t grunt and point to things to get a point across anymore.

So if women are dealing with a person who has no problem communicating, then the only thing that’s left is looks, right?

That begs an interesting question. Do “white girls,” think Asian guys are ugly? I mean, based on how he asked the question, there has to be some major flaw in the Asian race that is not compatible with whiteness.

To say that “white girls” just flat out have no interest in Asian guys is ridiculous. You ever see a fat dude waddling down the street, holding hands with a beautiful woman? THAT, would be something that requires more questioning.

Oh, and if a girl won’t talk to you because you have Asian blood, there is no bigger red flag. Move on.

A small wall, if any wall, to break down, would be the representation of Asians in movies and TV shows. The Asian guy is usually either the brainy dude, or the clumsy idiot with a funny accent. Unfortunately, the lovable loser has yet to boom in the chick magnet department.

Here’s a good way to jump those hurdles. DON’T BE THOSE CHARACTERS. It’s really not that hard. If you have a problem with people assuming you’re just another FOB (fresh off the boat), then you obviously aren’t getting your personality across. People talk to you so they can get to know you better, if you can’t do that, women are the least of your problems.

It’s counterproductive to use being Asian as a crutch. I’ve always been with women who have looked past any stereotypes, and have been happy with who I was. Isn’t that what we’re all looking for?

Having talked to guys and girls about what makes their hearts tick, I’ve found that in general, girls focus less on looks than guys do. This should be even more of a reason not to use something like slanted eyes as a reason you can’t get the blonde waitress across the street. Sure, she may stereotype you at first to create some assumptions, but it won’t take long to tear those apart. Think of it this way, Asian blooded people don’t have much of a wall to break down in the first place. Most of the stereotypes I’ve seen or heard are negative and anti-alpha male. All you need to do now is show her you are a man who doesn’t reflect weak stereotypes, whereas, a David Beckam look-alike has an enormous sex-symbol status to live up to. One false move, and he’s right there with the babbling Asian guy.

Obviously looks are important because it is the first thing that another person will see. Wearing nice, clean clothes, taking showers, it’s the least you can do. One of the things that are tough to control are peoples perceptions of you BEFORE interaction. One thing that you CAN control is displaying confidence with posture, facial expression and tone of voice. Right after clean clothes and taking showers, this is where you should focus your attention. Don’t hunch your shoulders, don’t talk in monotone, abrupt sentences. Slow down your cadence, speak clearly. If you can do these two things, chances are race and stereotypes will be thrown out the window. You’ve now set the stage for a balanced interaction.

For those “Asians” or “AZN’s” or whatever you call yourselves, don’t use things you can’t control as crutches. If anything you are limiting the amount of women in the world that you can love and be loved by. Be confident, unless you’re being directly prejudissed ⇐—- (a word I just made up), don’t even worry about it. And the point I really want to push home is, if you come across a woman, I don’t care how beautiful she is, and she is treating you any differently because of you being Asian or Black or Madagascarian or whatever, then don’t waste another minute on her. Earth is full of understanding and cultured women, find one and be loved.

A Half-blood in the Japanese Dating World

Moving to a foreign country is one of the most thrilling experiences one can have. It’s also one of the most nerve-wracking and difficult times of your life. Those are the times when it helps to have an understanding and beautiful woman wipe away all that stress and tension that has smudged your otherwise positive outlook on life. Unfortunately, it usually isn’t that easy. Before finding that Asian bombshell you’ve always fantasized about, there are always a few that test your sanity. In order to maintain a decent relationship, there are always a few hurdles that force you to adjust and adapt.

As a bilingual half-blood, you’re subjected to a set of rules that are relentlessly tilted at the choosers will.

During my sophomore year I dated a girl from another university that was part of their ESS “English Speaking Society.” First of all I was pretty happy to get to know somebody who spoke decent English, also one whom I assumed was slicing through Japanese societal standards to incorporate more of the western world’s dating philosophies, into her own. Turns out I was right AND wrong.

The Japanese female has no problem with foreign dating rituals as long as it involves (drum roll), a foreigner! My mistake was that I only spoke to her in Japanese, so even though she was dealing with an American at heart, the Japanese side of her consciousness was telling her that she was opening the same book, with a different cover. I had been hacking away at the wrong half of her brain. There I was, an American at heart being dictated by a girl that was treating me like just another guy.

A Japanese relationship in general consists of a bland recipe.

1. Confess love, start dating exclusively.
2. Text everyday.
3. Go on dates to generic date spots around, in this case, Tokyo. (Odaiba, Minato-Mirai)
4. Kiss after about the 3rd date.
5. 2nd, 3rd, and home base come soon after.
6. Pretend to not to like your girlfriend, as to look cool in front of your friends.

Unfortunately, these 6 ingredients are more or less mixed in to the average Japanese relationship brew.

I didn’t know how to be a Japanese boyfriend. The biggest mistake I was making, was that I was TRYING to be her Japanese boyfriend. The consequence was a relatively uneventful 4-month relationship that was more tiring than fulfilling. Lots of dates and money spent, but no real connection. More than anything, it was a refreshing wake-up call. Showing me that if I’m not allowed to be myself, the duration is just filler for the inevitable.

Some of us are looking for a fulfilling relationship, one that involves a balance of happiness, challenge, but most of all growth. For that to happen, both partners need to be on the same page, otherwise it’ll become one hell of a disjointed book reading. Selecting your partner is the obvious starting point. Unfortunately, it’s a skill that requires a keen eye and some patience. The Japanese have mastered the art of tatemae: literally, façade; the face one shows to the public. So what does this mean? It means the date you just had may have been a hallucination. The difference between, in my case, an American girl putting on a show and a Japanese girl putting on a show, is that the American is a dog humping your leg, while the Japanese is an innocent little kitty cat that purrs you into submission. Thus where the saying, Neko Kaburu (Literally, “put on a cat”. Meaning: Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing–hypocrisy, false modesty, feigned innocence), comes from. They are damned good at it.

My first Japanese girlfriend was a cute cheerleader from Nichidai. I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew the experience would be necessary for the next few years even if things didn’t turn out so well. Once again, following the first 2 rules above, the “relationship” took off.

It lasted a breathtaking two weeks when I realized that I was getting zero mental stimulation. I’m all for having a good time and racking up experience, but two weeks was enough to tell me different cover, same book. The “its not you, its me” routine and the book was closed.

About a month after the breakup, she called me out of the blue to tell me that she wanted us to get back together. Wondering if she would answer, and mostly because I didn’t know what else to say, I asked her why exactly she wanted me back.

In this situation, you would expect an answer like, you make me happy, you treat me well, I feel safe around you. You know, heart-jerking things to that nature. Here is the order in which she told me how she felt.

1.Well, you’re “hafu”, which means half-blooded.
2. You speak English.
3. You’re fun to be around.

It was heart-jerking alright. All I can say is, kiddy pool.

Half-bloods have to be careful. When diving into a romantic relationship, it’s important to convey your native personality, don’t fake, and be straight-forward with what you want. If you fail to do so, you’ll be chasing instead of leading, and no man wants to be in that position. We have a unique position in a sake vs. hamburger situation, and one who needs to mix and match conflicting flavors is one who will never be happy with just you.

For every girl that feeds off of anything Gaijin, there are an equal amount of women who take your foreign rituals and thinking right into the soft palms of their hands.
Getting through the mirror-maze of Japanese females may be long and frustrating, but the wealth of happiness is bound to outweigh the hardships endured to attain it. Just ask my mom and dad.